Stranger: “Hi, I’m [insert name here]. What do you do?”
Me: “Ummmmmmm … Woof.”
So, not a great first impression then.
No, I’m not unemployed. I’m not embarrassed by what I do. I don’t make meth either. The reason I can’t tell you what I do with my life is because I’m not actually sure anymore.
12 months ago, it was easy. I was a self-employed copywriter. Full stop. These days I wear a lot of hats. I’m a mum. I’m a housewife. I dabble in freelance television production. Oh, and I’m still a self-employed copywriter.
Some days I wear all my hats all at once, precariously balanced atop my head like a weird art installation of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Some days I juggle my hats like an amateur clown who wasn’t told that juggling balls was far easier. Some days I wear one hat more than I should, then wonder why it has more holes in it than the others. And other days I don’t have time to wear some of my hats at all, so when I finally do find the time I forget they’ve been sitting in my wardrobe for yonks and wonder where they came from.
Working mums live in a constant state of worry that they’re not wearing their hats well enough. When they’re being a mum, they’re neglecting their work. When they’re doing their work, they’re neglecting their kids. When they’re being a housewife, they’re neglecting everything. Whatever they do, it’s just not enough.
The fact is, working mums aren’t one person anymore. The day they fell pregnant wasn’t just the day a small human started growing in their tummies; it was also the day multiple clones of themselves took up residence, all occupying the same limbs and brain but only one of them being able to use them at once.
Mummyhood has completely changed the way I operate. I’ve only been juggling my hats for nine months so I’m certainly not what you’d call experienced, but I’m becoming more aware of how dropping my hats affects me.
Firstly, health and wellbeing is paramount. If you’re not happy and healthy, nothing else in your life will be. You need time out for yourself. Stop to eat, and make good decisions when you do. Get moving. Make the time for date nights with partners and wines with the girls. Go to the beach at least once a week. Read. Watch Grey’s Anatomy. Get your eyebrows done. Do whatever you need to do to retain the essence of yourself – because neither being a mum nor working defines you.
Secondly, be in the moment – every moment. When you’re wearing your mum hat, be the best mum you possibly can be. Switch off your devices and get down on your kid’s level, giving them all of your attention. When you’re wearing your work hat, shut the door, log out of Facebook, and be the most productive employee/boss/freelancer/self-employed person you can possibly be. There are only 86,400 seconds in a day; try to use at least a third of them well.
Thirdly, be realistic about what you can and can’t do. I’m a notorious over-committer; I like making people happy. But I need to make myself happy more, and if that means saying ‘no’ more often, then so be it.
Fourthly, ask for help. Working mums are super women, but there’s only one Superwoman and she’s busy fighting crime. If someone wants to lend a hand, take a moment to seriously consider if something on your never-ending Things I Needed to Do Yesterday list could be given to them. If there is, thankfully pass it on and be proud that you have such an amazing army around to help you out. If there isn’t, thank your support team profusely anyway and be proud that you’ve got everything under control (but carefully file that offer away for another time when you will undoubtedly need it).
Finally, be kind to yourself. You are a miraculous being. You’ve birthed a child, fed it, kept it happy, (hopefully) got it to sleep, and still managed to find time to have a shower and earn some money. Be proud of your achievements – and be OK with the days when you don’t get out of your pyjamas until 4:30pm.
Because the kinder you are to yourself, the more capacity you will create within yourself to do more.
Erin Reilly: Writer by trade, dreamer of travel, most at home at the beach, lover of giraffes, runs a words business called Lingo – www.getthelingo.co.nz